I am getting older, as a side effect so are my children. They are now having children of their own. They are learning the ropes of being a parent and making marriages work. My youngest child is about to leave on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, she’s 20 years old and so excited to go, but as I said she’s 20 and the youngest. So sometimes my kids get a little itchy under the collar when I continue to mother, they believe that as full grown adults in their late 20’s they should be past all that mothering.

So the big question of life is …… when do you stop being a mother?

You give birth to a totally helpless human, you teach, train, love, guide, discipline, lift, cheerlead, basically devote your life to them, and suddenly they reach that magic age of adulthood and they and the world pronounce you obsolete, un-needed.

Let’s assume that you’re at least 20 years older than your child. Let’s also assume that you have a brain and you have some common sense. Let’s assume that you continue to learn and grow as you age. Now let’s assume that you love your children and want the best for them and that you will support them and help them any way you can while still letting them become the best people they can be. Given these parameters I believe that it would make perfect sense that you would always know just a bit more than your child or at least have 20 more years of life experience to share with them.

The title of mother doesn’t end when your children become adults, the role changes some, but it doesn’t end. You advise more, you don’t tell them what to do. You support them in their decisions, you don’t make them for them. Hopefully your relationship with them is a good one and you can talk things out, you can give them options based on your experience to help them resolve issues. But all the while you pray for them, you cry over them, you worry about them, you remain their mother.

I’m learning the ropes of being the mom of adult children. No one is born with this knowledge any more than they are born knowing how to be the mom of a newborn. This life is about learning and progressing and becoming and the role of mom is a part of that. Just as with any other kind of learning and family matter I truly believe that communication is key. As mom and child or mother in law, patience is required, talking is needed, and everyone has to cut everyone else a lot of slack. We are all learning.

The point is that you are never done being a parent. When you need a hug, you need mom. When life kicks your butt, you need mom. When you have a great victory, you want to tell mom. Mom may not be there to pick out your clothes or fix your breakfast, but mom will be there. I know some people who visit the cemetery just to have a moment to talk to a mom long gone. Not every mom is a great mom, my own surely wasn’t, but in general mom’s are a precious gem in our lives. I like the old saying that God couldn’t be every where so he created moms.

Love your mom, learn from her wisdom, be patient as she continues to learn her ever changing role in your life. Give her a hug when she needs it, accept her hug when you need it. Learn from her mistakes and her triumphs. Have tissues ready when she feels pride in you. She will never stop being a mom because she loves you. Hopefully you will never stop being a parent to your children, then your mom will know that she raised you successfully.