My husband and I have a long standing, stress relieving hobby. We plan a renovation on our house. We can’t afford to do it, but that’s the beauty of paper and pencils or a computer program, you can remodel and plan until your hearts content! We have done it many times, thinking about what goes where, how to make the most of what we have, all kinds of things. But a while ago he came up with a basic plan for a remodel that I fell in love with.
He does all the work, all the planning. He knows electrical and plumbing and solar, all the good stuff. I know about how I want it to fee, what area’s we need for the times the family gathers. I know what I need in a kitchen and how much storage I want.
So he designs and plans and then asks me, how about this, what if we do this here, where do you want this, and then he makes it work. The other day he asked me where I wanted my sewing machine. I do love to sew, make quilts, and we have grandkids so I keep hoping for time to make snuggly things for them. But in this newest version of the remodel I didn’t have a sewing room. I have a problem putting myself first in almost any circumstance, but in the reality of a home I just can’t justify an entire room for an activity that I would do a few times a year. So I told him to just let me put my sewing things in the hall closet and I could bring it out onto the table when i was using it. I really did feel like it would be fine, not great or ideal but fine and i didn’t worry about it again.
Then one night he wanted to show me the 3D walk through of the remodel he had created on our computer. As we wandered around admiring his work and getting excited about how well this would suit our family in the coming years, I saw a cabinet I didn’t recognize in a place we hadn’t talked about. When I asked what it was he explained that he had found plans to build a sewing cabinet that would hold my machine and all my supplies except the bulk material, and he wanted to build that for me in the new remodel so that I would have a place to work and not have to lug around my machine. He had reworked an entire room to make it fit and make sure that I would have what I needed! It’s a nice looking cabinet when closed so it won’t intrude on the room and it has all kinds of storage for my supplies and room to work when it’s open I’m thrilled!
The more I thought about this cabinet the more touched I was and I realized once again that this is what makes a marriage. It’s not the huge romantic gestures, although they are fun, it’s not the lovenotes or the vacations or any of those kinds of things. It’s the simple things, like knowing I wanted a place for my things and giving it to me even when I wouldn’t do it for myself. It’s being aware of the persons needs and wants and doing what you can to fulfill them. It’s reaching for my hand when we’re walking even if it’s a short distance, it tell me that he wants me with him, near him, it touches my heart every time.
He has forgotten my birthday more than I can count, he always leaves it to me to plan our anniversary, and for those 2 days a year when I could go around with hurt feelings and being mad I remember all the times he has reached for my hand, all the times he builds, plant and harvest a garden because I want one but my back won’t let me do the work, all the times he protects me, laughs with me, makes me feel special. He would rather be at home with me than anywhere else i the world, when he wants to hang out with his buddies, I am his buddy, I remember how many ways he shows me he loves me and I forgive him the 2 days a year that he’s such a guy!
It doesn’t matter one bit that the cabinet is still in the virtual world. I know if that remodel ever comes to pass, so will the cabinet. I know he thinks of me and my desires in every thing that he plans for our life together. That’s what counts!
Marriage is forgiveness, caring, thinking of the other before yourself, focusing on the positive, saying thank you. Marriage takes a lot of understanding, patience, and over looking the faults of one another, but after all of that, marriage is fun and exciting and I’m grateful for a good marriage and a great husband!