For a new mom the words potty training can be almost as scary as “saving for college”. Potty training has a million horror stories, a million ideas, a million ways to go wrong. But here are some tried and true methods for your consideration.

First, as in every other aspect of parenting, routine, consistency and follow through are the most important things.

Second, realize that it’s not going to happen in a day or even two. Be prepared to have a least a week where you are fairly sure of having the time to stay at or near home or a potty so you can take the child to the bathroom often and regularly.

Third, do not expect the child to tell you when they have to pee or poop. They have never done this before, they don’t really have a clear idea of how it all works, hence the word training! During this time the child is being trained to learn what it feels like when they need to use the bathroom and what to do about those feelings. Then they are being trained to use the bathroom and to clean up afterward. Since kids are usually between 2 and 3 years old when being potty trained it should be fairly obvious that they don’t already have all this information, after all were they born being able to speak? Or did you teach them that too?

Fourth, do not get upset or angry about accidents. There will be accidents, there may be a puddle or two even. Getting angry accomplishes nothing, but it will cause anxiety in the child and make using the bathroom a power struggle, and that just makes everyone miserable.

Fifth, pooping in  the potty is or can be, the most difficult thing to teach. Some kids have no problem with it, others take a long time to get the hang of it. As with all aspects of potty training, be patient!

So here’s the method I used and had the most success with: I made sure that we would be able to be at home for at least several days without too much interruption. I laid in a stock of M&M’s for reward. I made sure I had a good egg timer with a loud buzzer. I laid in a stock of big girl panties or briefs in fun characters or colors. I talked to them about being a big girl now or a big boy like daddy and we were going to learn how to use the potty like mommy or daddy did. They really get pretty excited about that. Get a potty chair or a good potty insert seat that you can place on top of the toilet seat. It should feel secure and not wobbly so the child is not afraid of falling in.

Also its important to do some prep in the months before, things like making sure your child is old enough. We’ve all heard the stories of the child who was trained at 18 months or younger, phooey I say! Physically your child’s body can’t control his bowels or bladder well enough to be potty trained until around age 3, so is your child potty trained or are you trained to constantly run him to the bathroom? Then look for signs like interest, has your child shown an interest in the potty? Has she started hiding when she needs to poop? Has she started holding herself or doing a little potty dance? I also would start setting the child on the potty a few times a day even before starting training. So right when they wake up, right before a bath, times like those I would set the child on the potty and encourage them. When I first started doing this there was very little result, or once in a while they would accidentally pee, but the point was to get them familiar with the potty so they weren’t intimidated or afraid when the time came. Also, don’t be afraid or so private that you won’t allow the child into the bathroom while you’re using the toilet. Example is a powerful tool in teaching your kids anything and using the toilet is no exception. Of course they don’t have to be witness to every private detail, but do as much as you feel comfortable doing with them in the room. They become interested and desire to imitate the things you are doing and that makes training easier.

So after you’ve had a talk to introduce the potty training and you’ve put on the big girl panties and talked them up so the child is impressed and excited, it’s time to begin. Show them how the insert or potty chair works, let them place the seat and flush a couple times. Set them on the seat and most important sit with them! Put a chair in the bathroom or perch on the side of the tub, but stay with them. Going potty is a bodily function, not a punishment. If they pee a little let the celebration commence! Clap, sing, do a little dance, whatever works for you, but make a fuss. Then let them flush, wash their hands and get a potty treat, hence the M&M storage. Then set your egg timer for 15 minutes and when it rings get all excited and run for the potty. Soon when the child hears the timer they will begin to run on their own.

If the child does not pee each time its perfectly ok, however the reward of flushing and washing hands and having a treat should not happen. Explain it to the child, you should never assume they just know. Whenever the child has success have a little celebration! We clap and shout yay! We listen for noises coming from the toilet so the child understands the feelings, the noises, the results are coming from them and it begins to make sense. Potty treats should never be used for any other treat or reward than going potty, it’s a bit of psychological warfare but it works beautifully with very little whining. If M&M’s aren’t your kids thing, use their favorite treat but make sure it stays sacred to the potty training until he’s well trained.

This all takes patience and understanding and lots of time. Don’t expect miracles, just love your child and try not to lose perspective. Your child will not go to kindergarten in diapers! Relax, don’t think you aren’t a good parent because it took your child longer than others or they started later than other, it just doesn’t matter. Let your child’s body tell you when to start and then be willing and able to follow through. You’ll see, it takes time, but it’s not too hard.