Yesterday I did the most wonderful, simple, thing. I spent an entire day with my 3 daughters, shopping, laughing, singing to the radio, having lunch. Their ages are 24, 21 and 19, I am a bit older! I watched them, I talked with them, I made suggestions about their purchases, I watched them coach each other, share with each other, and I made some observations. These are well balanced, mature, centered, confident young women, who love each other, what an amazing wonderful thing.
I heard, and some of the girls heard, when we were working so hard to plan this day things like; do you have to spend the day with your mom? Why would you take all the girls together? Boy I feel sorry for the day you’re going to have. Well everyone has to suffer sometime, I guess this day will be yours. WHY??
We have worked very hard as a family to create a family that loves each other and loves to be together, so far, so good. The kids have almost always gotten along well and when they didn’t we taught them how to resolve issues so they could move on. It’s not rocket science, it’s good parenting. The girls and I enjoy each other, not in a giggly teenage way, but in a close mother daughter, sister to sister way. It’s happy, fun, quiet, joyful, easy, its the reward for years of work.
I don’t have the opportunity to spend an entire day with my oldest daughter very often, sometimes brief visits don’t allow you to really communicate or observe the people you love. She’s beautiful! She’s poised, her driving has improved and she’s good at it, she’s quiet in all the right ways, she has a great deal of influence over her sisters whether she knows it or not, and she uses that influence in positive ways. She radiates in interesting combination of complete confidence and vulnerability that bears further investigation. She has a smile that melts a heart and lights up her eyes. But most of all you can see and feel this woman being born of the child she used to be. She hangs onto the best of who she was but is becoming so much more. As her mom I still feel protective toward her, still feel that I have things to offer her on her journey, but yesterday I spent the day with a young woman who is very much in charge of her own life. She has priorities, she has goals, she still has things to figure out, but who doesn't? She’s kind, she chooses good friends, she’s dependable, she’s on the brink of discovering just who she is and how wonderful she is and it’s a choice thing to watch. But as with each of the girls, the thing I loved the most yesterday was watching her get along with her sisters and wanting to be with them.
The middle daughter makes us laugh. She has Tourettes syndrome which on a good day means she has very few filters in her life. She laughs easily, she has no care about who hears what or says what. It’s not uncommon for her to lost sight of a sister and start yelling “Marco!” and then wait to hear the answering “Polo” so she can catch up. She’s an interesting combo of deep spirituality and complete silliness, of absolute right and wrong and easily forgiving, of listening and learning and struggling for freedom. She is having a bit of a struggle to make the change from teenager to adult, it’s hard to understand for most of us that the roles change a bit, rules adjust. But when you have Tourettes it complicates things. She still needs someone to look after her, someone to remind her, someone to hold her when she’s having a rough day, but she is also quite a leader and a strength to those around her. She could have as many dates as she wanted but her heart remains true to the one boy who really understands her. She knows how to be a friend without crossing any lines, she knows how to tell people they screwed up and need to get it right without hurting feelings or friendships. She loves without question and she loves being with her sisters most of all. She has taught them and all of us that being yourself and accepting yourself will make you a happier person.
The youngest daughter is the glue. Her oldest sister calls her, her mini me, the other sister calls her, her best friend. She is calm, quiet, fun, easy to laugh, she has common sense, a great sense of responsibility, a great deal of talent which she easily shares. She has always had a great sense of self, she knows who she is and what she wants, she’s very well put together. Being around her, you get the feeling that she is not only on the right track, but she always will be. Life will be good to her, not that she wont have bumps in the road, but they wont throw her off course, she will always come out a winner. I have never checked her homework, not from the time I put her in Kindergarten. At the ripe old age of 19, she doesn’t tell me things that she thinks will worry me until it’s over, partly to protect me, partly to avoid my panic and worry, she just handles it. But if she really needs me, she comes, she knows I’m there, she knows what she needs. She does what needs doing, end of story! She is the chief babysitter for her niece while her parents work, and she exhibits such a perfect combination of love, nurturing, boundaries, teaching, it’s amazing to watch. She’s a complete natural at the mothering thing. She’s easy to love and she gives love freely. She’s suffers no fools, but neither will she purposely injure another. She has great patience, organizational skills, and is quick to forgive.
These daughters of mine were a blessing from above, I know that more than anybody else. I was not born a natural mother nor did I have a great example to learn from. So yes, they were a gift. However with some learning, some teaching, some work, they have turned out to be such a blessing to me, to each other, to our family. I had a wonderful day with them. We accomplished a lot, but it would have been just as much fun to accomplish nothing. It was a simple day of basically running needed errands, but we did it together and it was a blessing and a blast!
I feel so blessed to be a part of their lives, to watch them grow into such fine woman. They are each so different, so unique and yet so much a part of each other. I spent the day being a part of them and being outside of them and getting a glimpse of what the future of our relationships can be. I must say I was pleased, very pleasantly pleased. If everyday of our lives was spent with the fun, the peace, the pleasant joy of being together like yesterday was, I will count my life as truly blessed. I am so proud to be the mother of these 3 young women. I am so thrilled that they delight in being together and even including mom! What a wonderful day of reaping rewards and sharing life we had yesterday. I hope we have thousands more.