It happens every where, the pressure whether intended or not, to be the best Mom. The problem is, what does being the best or even a good mom mean?

I remember as I was raising my kids the constant pressure, whether real or implied, to have myself or my kids involved in a myriad of things. One sport was not enough, they should do all the sports. Good grades are not good enough, they have to do all AP or honors courses. Playing only one instrument? Heaven forbid, lessons on at least 3 and by the way they should be involved in at least one choir. Running for class office? The shame and the horror of losing or only being secretary. As for mom, PTA, volunteer in every child's classroom, pursue your own degree and you should probably work full time too, are you dressed fashionably when you drop your kids off at school, have you exercised for an hour at the right gym, and on and on and on. It’s exhausting!

I’m like everyone else on the planet, it takes a while, years even, to know yourself, to figure out what it is you want to be and who you really are. I tried to fit in, I tried to be everyone’s everything, and discovered I had lost myself. But that discovery led to much better understanding of what is truly important. Sometimes especially as young mom’s we think we know everything while simultaneously figuring our we know very little. It’s a confusing and often tear producing time. We think as we look around us that everyone else seems to have all the answers, they all know what they’re doing, what’s wrong with me? The truth of the matter is this, we aren’t born knowing all the answers. We aren’t born knowing how to be a great mom. We aren’t born knowing what is and isn’t going to work with each child or how we’re going to juggle schedules and encourage talents. We learn as we grow and experience.

I was offered what I considered to be a coveted friendship at a time in my life when I really felt like I wanted to belong to a group that seemed to be looked up to. I jumped at the chance to belong and soon found my life swallowed up in theirs. I tried for much longer than I should have to be involved in all the right things, to raise my children up to the standard, to “encourage” my husband to do and become better. After a time I began to realize that I came home from various meetings and classes with them to nag at my husband, cry with frustration over the stresses in my life, look at my kids and wonder why they didn’t measure up. Maybe I’m just not very smart or maybe I just wanted to be accepted so badly I overlooked a few things, but it took a while to figure out that these people weren’t helping me to improve, they were ruining my life.

One night as I was sobbing away over a critical remark one of these new “friends” has made, my husband just started asking me questions. Here are a few I can remember, Do you like the way you feel when you’re with these people, Do you like the way they treat their spouses, do you like the way their kids are turning out, do you like the way they treat others around them???? When I answered all these questions negatively he only asked me one more question, Then why do you associate with them?

I thought about that over the next several days and the answers I found I didn’t like very much. I had been a part of them only because I was so unsure of and insecure in myself. I had allowed them to interfere in my marriage, in the raising of my kids, in my self esteem, and in my relationships with others, and although I had never to my knowledge hurt another feelings intentionally, through my association with these women I had witnessed the hurt they had caused others. OH boy! I had to stop! I had a good marriage, I had great kids, I have never been a socialite or had a great number of friends but I have a great family with whom I love to do many things. Trying to fit into this group was ruining all the things that were truly important to me.

It took a while to completely overcome the damage I had allowed to happen but once I realized that just because I did things differently that didn’t make me wrong, I could get to work. So extremely long story somewhat shorter…. here are some things I learned that I think may be helpful

You cannot be all things to all people, and you should not be!

You should not allow yourself to be pressured into things that cause conflict within your soul or your family

There is good advice everywhere but it may not all be the kind of advise you need, learn to sort through it and find what is important and what applies to you

Remember when mom said, if everyone was jumping off a bridge would you jump too? That applies to mom’s too. Just because it feels like everyone is doing it and everyone expects you to do it doesn’t  mean its a good thing for you to do.

If you want to contribute, find something you love and do it well. One good thing is better than 4 mediocre things.

Take some time to think things through, very rarely does a decision have to be made in seconds.

Remember Gone with the Wind, tomorrow is another day! What doesn't get done today will still be there tomorrow, give yourself a break.

Unless it is the most grievous of sins you will not ruin your Childs life in one day.

It is ok to say no, to your kids its a must, to your friends and family when you need to. We are not expected to run faster than we have strength.

There is a time and a season for all things. You don't have to achieve every goal today.

Learn to take a little time for yourself, even 5 minutes of peace can bring a new perspective.

Not everyone is going to like you or even approve of you, it doesn't matter! Do the most important people in your life love and approve?

Have dinner as a family

Have a family calendar, go over it together and make priorities, make time to be together.

Marry your best friend, then you’ll always have that special someone to talk to and have fun with

Don’t be afraid to learn, take classes, ask questions of people you see doing it right, read books. This applies to all kinds of learning even being a mom.

Cultivate your best relationships within your own family, they are the ones that last forever

These are some things I wish I had learned earlier, but I’m learning them now and have been learning for some time. As moms whether young or older, lets try to be more supportive of each other, more interested in seeing each other succeed in our lives and families, even though we each succeed differently. It shouldn’t be a competition, it should be a group of women who encourage wives, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, families, to achieve, overcome, and become all that they can be. Women are powerful creatures, more powerful than we know, lets use that  power to help each other grow, to flourish, to have healthy lives and families.